This is Part 2 of Shared Parenting in Jupiter Divorce Cases.
Part 1 focuses on what the concept of Shared Parenting actually means under to Jupiter divorced parents. To read Part 1 of this article, click here. As a divorced parent in Jupiter, you can probably already imagine some of the downsides to shared parenting. After all, you got divorced for a reason. Most likely you had trouble getting along and agreeing on important issues before your divorce. So what happens when divorced parents cannot agree on child rearing topics, such as discipline, religious upbringing, social activities, or financial matters?
The Pitfalls of Shared Parenting in Jupiter Divorce Cases
When Shared Parenting Fails
Shared parenting can be a very positive alternative for families broken by divorce. Parents who divorce amicably and agree to put the children first and maintain the status quo as best they can for the sake of the family tend to function very well with parenting plans and timesharing.
But when there is continuous conflict among divorced parents, shared parenting can end up doing more harm than good. And who are the ones most hurt? The children of course – those whom the law is designed to protect. In these cases, then, the court may award sole parental responsibility to one parent who will make all decisions regarding the children. Or, the court may award one parent the ultimate responsibility for making decisions in one aspect of the child’s life, such as religious upbringing or education.
In my experience as a Jupiter divorce lawyer for 30+ years, parents who did not get along well before their divorce are not likely to get along well after it. Parents who were uninvolved with their children will remain uninvolved. Parents who create anxiety will continue to do so. Parents who eventually establish new relationships will permit their new significant others to have a say in the parenting relationship when they should not.
So what are parents left to do?
What do you do when you and your former spouse just can’t get along? What if your decisions and ideals are so opposite of one another that you simply cannot come to a meeting of the minds?
Many parents get angry that the other parent won’t work together with them on parenting issues, and they resort to documenting that parent’s failures, then dragging them into court. Basically, this is the opposite of shared parenting and does not help the situation whatsoever. (In fact, it usually makes things worse.) While I understand how upsetting this is to you, I would nevertheless advise you to resist taking this course of action.
What’s the answer, then?
Well, unfortunately at the moment there is no real answer. Several years ago, Florida courts appointed a number of Parental Coordinators, most of them former case workers and social workers. While it was a great idea in theory, in practice it was a belly flop. The courts could not fund the program nor could they maintain enough qualified and trained people who were willing to be abused by conflicted parents. And, the courts were unwilling to give the Coordinators any authority – so they basically had no credibility or “bite” in dealing with the parents.
I would love to see this method revived. Graduates of Masters in Social Work and Masters in Mental Health Counseling programs could be licensed by the state and trained to act as independent Parental Coordinators, then given a small amount of authority and control under the court’s authority. This would provide a ready, inexpensive, and available source of qualified guidance and assistance for thousands of troubled divorced parents, with minimal impact on the court system.
George Gelb is a Jupiter divorce attorney, serving all of Palm Beach County, Martin County, St. Lucie County, and Indian River County.